Harry Potter and our fine president
by HappyhampsterGas
Summary: Guess who the new Hogwarts teacher is? READ AND BE HAPPY!!! owritten by Sandwichgirl because we're both incredibly insane. Inspired by the voices in our heads.


Note to readers everywhere: do not read this. it is really really REALLY sick. Unless you like that sort of thing. In that case, go ahead and read it. In fact, you can print it out and read it anytime your perverted mind chooses to. You can take it with you to bed. Or in the shower. Or to the crapper and use it as toilet paper. Or use it as a tampon. Or rip it up and give it to your gerbil to use as bedding. Or feed it to a hobo. Really, we don't care what you do with it. And we've warned you it sucks. If you flame us, we will hurt you. And if you sue us, we will REALLY hurt you by biting off your penis. if you have one. Okay, the story's starting now, I might want to shut up. 

Harry Potter becomes a cannibal and eats everybody. 

One morning, Harry Potter woke up and was very very hungry. He bit Hedwig, but she was not very tasty. So he walked into Dudley's room and ate his foot... of love. it was good so he ate the rest of him. 

okay, this is going nowhere. Let's start this again:   
  


Harry Potter and the man named Weeenus. 

Harry Potter looked at his new class sceduale. All of his classes were the same, except for one: MAGICAL MODERN DAAAAAAA-AAA-AA-A-AAAAAAANCE. It was taught by a man named Professor Weeenus. Hmm... Harry had never heard of THAT class before. When he asked Hermione and Ron about it, they hadn' t either. But Hermione gave Harry a lap dance. OR MAYBE SHE DIDN'T!!!! Ron did. 

When Harry walked into his class MAGICAL MODERN DAAAAAA-AAAA-AA-A-A-AAAAAANCE, he saw a sight worthy of no man's eyes to see. Okay, that made no sense. But that's okay. He saw a sight worthy of a cat's weenus to behold: DRACO MALFOY IN A TIGHTS... NO WAIT, A SPEEDO! NO WAIT! N A K E D!!! DOING A POLE DANCE!!! 

"Malfoy, you look hot." Harry said. NO WAIT! -Ron said. 

"Thank you, Ronnny-poo!" Malfoy squealed and hopped up and down and fluttered his curled and mascaraed eyelashes, and puckered his pink rosy red lips shiny and ready for his lover's lips..... Of love. 

All of a sudden, the song "Hail to the Cheif" began to play. The door opened and a burst of purple smoke flew out. A parade of midgets clad in purple tuxedo speedos (don't ask what they look like, we don't know.). In came a short pudgy president of the united states wearing a purple leaf on his crotch and a pair of cowboy boots. 

"My fellow americans, I am your DAAAA-AAA-AAA-A-A-AAAAAANCE TEACHER!!!! I am the president of the united states of america. George W Bush. Ever wonder what the W stands for? well I'll tell you: Weeenus. that's right. three e's. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenus. say it with me class, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENUUUUUUUUS!!!" And Harry was the only one in the class who did. 

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENUUUUS!" he shouted. Everyone else was burying Neville, who had died. YAY FOR WEENIS THE PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then Neville came back alive and pulled off Draco's little dracy(a.k.a is weewee). And then everyone killed Neville agian by beating him with his lover/frog pet Trever. And after many, many trys of geting his manhood away from Nevilles hand Draco malfoy had a sex change and now goes by Dracina Malfina. But that's not till later. 

ANYWAYS!!!! 

Pressie Georgy continued 

"I like ham.........and my middle name so I quit being the leader type man of America...THE LAND OF THE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! And restart on my first passion....no wait 5..no.....76...no....(5 HOURS LATER!!!).....IT IS MY 8,008,1ESth* passion. Right before jello but after spanking the monkey if you know what I mean!"   
  


*80081es. look at it. think about it, pee-pee butt..   
  


All the remaning liveing students were all sleeping......no wait Ron was danceing...NAKED!!!!!!!!!! with neville's lover frog.Who was also naked. 

"There for I am a Hogwarts Teacher now....and i want you all to call me....ummmm...MR. FOOT!!! Now, let us begin. Every one put on your purple leafs you were supposed to buy. I want everyone to feel free in this class. I want you to feel like you are traipsing through the garden of eden in your stunning leaf shaped ensembles." 

Draco leapt to his feet (which was surprizing because everyone thought he had been stabbed right after he got his weenie stapled back on.) and put on his little leaf and began dancing. And Hogwarts blew up because someone farted in the potions room where they were having a class on chemicals that should not be farted on, the only thing left was Happy Harry's small friend who was conected to his lower half (A.k.a his PEEPEEnis!) . THE END!!!   
  


You know what? This sucks. BUT WE LOVE IT! so you can just go shove your head where the sun don't shine. IN A CAVE!!! IN IDAHO!!! WHERE HOBOS MAKE HOBO LOVE! But we're gonna start one more time and maybe it'll make even a little sense.   
  


Now that you read this story you must now tell us what you thought about it...and then kick your self in the head if you wrote something bad. and shove a hotdog up your bum. Thank you...happy wennus day!   
  



End file.
